Identity Crisis? Being a half Japanese gyaru and its pros and cons

I still need to write about 100 entries since the last one was about way back in March and it is now August...
I'm super busy this month travelling, moving out of my university halls to my friends, and getting ready to move back to England at the end of the month. Everything is so hectic, I bought way too much stuff here and I need to send back so many things to my mums in Kyushu and back home to England as well.

I just wanted to write something I was thinking about as I was walking back home from food shopping in the ridiculous heat of Japanese summer.

The pros and cons of being half Japanese, and looking the way I do, where is best for me to live?

My current plan is to graduate from university, I have one more year to go and then come back to Tokyo to work and study Fashion or make-up. I realised this year that I miss doing something creative, and its my passion so I should work on it.  This is the only thing I wish I had done when I was making my decision to go into Art or to improve my Japanese skills after I had done my Art Foundation course  3 years ago.

But I will never regret it because of this year, it made me realise what I really want to do. I want to come back here and get back into being creative.

SO without sounding conceited in any way, I'm sure many of you wonder what its like being half Japanese. Sometimes, I feel like I wish I was just fully Japanese or British then things would be much easier. But there are so many advantages as I get to experience both culture equally, and I wouldn't change anything for that.

I decided to list all the advantages and disadvantages for me - being half, looking the way I do and living in Japan.


  • Japanese LOVE hafus! So many celebrities, models etc are half. Easier to get into media or TV or modelling if I wanted to in the future maybe. I get a lot of attention when I'm out because of my appearance. Every time I meet some new its 'hafuu dayo ne?? gaijin san?? kawaii! jige?? (which means is that your natural hair colour, yes people are stupid enough to actually beleive that this is my real hair colour)' kind of gets annoying sometimes but I'm pretty sure it was an advantage for me because I have been able to make so many friends and connections with things I would like to do when I come back here (this includes fashion, modelling for rock fashion clothing companies, and starting a band).
  • Being able to speak both Japanese and English fluently is very helpful in Japan. I may be able to get a job with translation or any sort of job really since I was able to find a part time job immediately here unlike the UK.


  • 'Normal' Japanese people can be very judgmental and old fashioned about anything but especially the way I look. Obviously, I get stares and comments every day and this is what I would have to put up with even living in the outskirts of Tokyo. I try not to let it get to me but sometimes it can get really stressful.
  • Tattoos - people still have very old fashioned views about them and to some people it automatically means you're a yakuza or yankee or something which is ridiculous since I only have small tattoos which are butterflies and flowers. I sometimes think its makes things more difficult since I look Japanese to some people. If I looked more caucasian I'm not sure if they care as much. They don't understand that I grew up in England and a lot of people are tattooed in other countries and that it does not mean that I'm a drug addict or a failure in life. Although in fashion leading places like Shinjuku, Shibuya and Harajuku where you will see me hanging around most often, you will see stylish people of all ages with tattoos all the time.

Thanks for reading my rant kind of post. xD
if you would like to see a more frequently updated post please check my ameblo page on the right side of this blog.

Lastly a photo of one of my favourite hafu singer, actress and model. Anna Tsuchiya. She is a mixture of Japanese, American, Polish and Irish. She has a very strong and boyish personality, which is something you don't see in most Japanese idols.

A friend I worked with used to call me Anna ALL the time when she was drunk cause she thought I looked like her. I'm like I wish! xD I look nothing like her but it was a nice compliment I guess!

So have you ever had this kind of problem where you're not sure where you should be? Or have you encountered any problems with the way you look or tattoos/piercings etc? Please let me know in a comment as I would love to hear your stories ^^

                          more coming soon xoxo




  1. This was such an interesting post and I think you look like Anna too lol. It was cool to hear your story though because there are many foreigners in Japan (and we all know how that is) but I do not know of many half Japanese people.

    I have also gone through something like this, being Mexican-american. Many people think that if you're in American then it's easy since there are so many different cultures which is true to an extent. Since I live in Southern CA we are known for having a high population of Hispanics, especially Mexicans. Although my ethnicity is Mexican i consider myself more American than Mexican. Unfortunately, I am not fluent in Spanish I only can read, write, and understand...I forget words as I'm speaking. So other Hispanics/Mexicans look down on you for not knowing something that is suppose to be part of our own culture.

    Like if you were to meet a regular Mexican from Mexico and a Mexican-American they would have a lot of similarities but a lot of difference as well. Depending on how "americanized" they are.

    Hope I didn't bore you with my story >< lol

    1. Thanks for sharing! It's nice to know that there people who go through the same sort of things as me~

  2. Oh I know exactly how you feel >_<
    I'm half Chinese and half German~
    Sometimes I also think that it would be easier if I would be fully German or fully Chinese..
    Most people in Germany will consider me as Asian (although my facial features are mostly caucasian >_>), whereas Chinese people will say 'She looks like a foreigner' ..
    So sometimes I feel like I don't really fit in~
    Last year when I went to Tokyo I also got a lot of stares and stuff =_= Most were like 'positive stares'~, but one time a woman looked at me as if I were an alien~
    Anna Tsuchiya is also my favourite hafu singer! She's sooo cool! >v<

    1. ooh thats a cool mix! I used to learn German and I plan to go there this year hopefully ^^

      It can be annoying but I guess its a good thing as well getting more attention ;)

      Anna is so inspirational! ^^

    2. haha I think Irish and Japanese is more interesting (´∀`);
      oh really? that's cool, most of the time our school tells us that we can't do exchanges with the UK anymore, because nobody wants to learn German hahaha
      where do you want to go then? :3

      Yeah I think that it's kinda cool that people always remember one, because of 'looking more unique'~ than non-mixed people :D

  3. I'm mixed as well & have been having that inner conflict of 'which side is better' for years, and what I found helped me deal with it is no longer identifying with one or the other. I've tried on & off overcompensating as either Chinese or Canadian, & I realized I don't fit into either. In return I'm more comfortable with myself that way. As cliche as it sounds, for tattoos/piercings, your race, etc., just being confident with yourself, that really shows through & people notice (aside from the OBVIOUS halfer beauty haha). People are constantly going to judge, since we can't control everyone, I say stick with pursuing your creativity!


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